Learning from my Students: Family in Jordan

This post will be the first in a mini-series I have decided to call “Learning from my Students” … in which I share snippets of the things I am learning from my students (Petra U, Jesuit Refugee Services, and Al Baqaa).

So, to start… about family!

I made an interesting cultural faux pas when I organized a basic speaking activity around family at Petra University. After reviewing vocabulary and neccessary grammar, I asked every student to describe their family to the group – then I asked follow up questions to keep them talking. For one male student, I asked him what his family’s names are… “Ok, you have two sisters? What are their names?” “Yes, your mother? What is her name?”

This is the point of the story when all my Arab friends roll their eyes at me and laugh… because in many Arab families, people do not tell their mother or sister’s names to strangers – particularly strange men. I gather the idea is about privacy and protecting their female relatives — I can see some correlation to the insults present in our culture’s “your momma” jokes. So needless to say, I had really put my student on the spot… but luckily we all have a pretty good rapport so he and some other students explained the cultural difference to me. Its not true of all Arabs, in fact many students shared this without hesitation, but it is true that some Arabs / Jordanians / Muslims (I’m not sure where this particular cultural tendency derives from) do not share this to a group of strangers or “new friends.”

NEXT: Family and independence

As we talked about differences in university student life at Petra, our conversation rolled back to family. There are major differences in family life and relationships here. The typical “common knowledge” or stereotype is that Jordanians and Arabs in general have stronger familial bonds than Americans. People here will live with their families until they get married — then after they are married, maybe they live in an apartment upstairs — plus they see their extended family every week, if not every day.

My students asked me how often I see my extended family… and I thought of KK/Mikey/Brendan/AJ — Maria/John/Sean/Nia — Re, Gumpy, and Nana (etc etc)… and its what, probably once every two months? over the summer? Let alone during the school year… then its just holidays. One of the things I admire most about Arab culture is the high volume of family time… that is one of the things I want to bring my into my life, a little piece of Arab culture that sticks with me even when I leave.

To be fair though, many Arabs act the same way we do — usually because of work. It is common to hear about families with a son in Saudi or Dubai or even in America. People move, generally speaking, because the work opportunities are so much better in these other places. Yet, then the family is split — only seeing each other on holidays or a few times a year.. just like us.

Some students asked if I was lonely. The idea of living at university “alone” seemed sad to them… (“I’m too social” – one student said). Then I explained that at university, I lived in the same building as 200 other students.. with my best friends. So “lonely” was not really a feeling I felt —- although missing family was of course always part of the year … plus independence.

Many of my students talked about the lack of independence due to the familial culture. Students live at home with their whole family usually. This can make it hard for some students to become “responsible” – and leads to some students being “controlled by their family.” That is less of a problem for us.

Then again, as some students shared, it is not unheard of to live alone. One of my students is studying and working here — alone — and sending money home to his family in Nablus (Palestine). There are plenty of exceptions, like him, but generally speaking – our independence and responsibility comes at a much earlier age due to our looser family living.

So, there’s the start of the mini-series. I figured perhaps you would like to learn with me … and being so immersed with young people and mandatory conversation practice, I am bound to learn loads!! :)